Joshua dozed fitfully, floating somewhere between consciousness and the infinite reaches of slumber. He could not wake himself nor could he fall truly asleep. It was as if his mind couldn't handle the desperate loneliness of wakefulness or the black nightmares that plagued his sleep.
The screeching of metal on metal bought him out of his stupor and into wary alertness. In front of him stood a train. Joshua had to rub his eyes to be sure that he wasn't mistaken. The train was crafted in the deepest black he had ever seen; there weren't any words or insignia marring its ebony perfection. He felt cold and afraid. Joshua looked around and saw that there were half a dozen other people waiting in the small, poorly lit station, each of them looking as bewildered and afraid as he.
Joshua couldn't remember how or why he had come to be in this dank little place; in fact he couldn't remember much at all, as if a dense fog had settled over his brain during his semi-repose. He took some deep breathes to try and clear his mind, but the stale air, further polluted by the appearance of the strange train, seemed only to thicken the haze. Images of his life flashed by, too quickly for him to recognize or hold onto. A piercing whistle shattered his thoughts and he felt compelled to stand up and move towards the train. Something deep within Joshua fought the urge and he remained seated. The other people didn't seem to possess such willpower, they started to shuffle, heads down, towards the black beast. A woman was silently sobbing as she approached the train.
“All aboard,” boomed a deep voice from the locomotive and once again the urge to comply was overpowering. Joshua gripped the bottom of the bench, until his hands ached. He had to escape. Looking for an exit sign, he was shocked to see that there was no means of escape and a knot of fear settled in the pit of his stomach as he realized that the only way out was to board the train.
Once more the voice called for everyone to board.
“No fucking way! Piss off. Leave me alone.” Joshua roared. The doorway directly in front of him was suddenly and blindingly illuminated, revealing a tall, beautiful woman. She had long, auburn hair and a pale, flawless beauty with the greenest eyes Joshua had ever seen. He was struck with such a strong sense of recognition, that without realizing it, he stood up and approached the train and her, as though floating. The fog in his mind cleared briefly, bringing with it a vision of his past.
Joshua stood at the front of a church, full of people going by the murmurs behind, wearing a tight fitting tuxedo. Beside him was the woman from the train, dressed in a pristine, white wedding gown, her piercing emerald eyes glistening from unshed tears as she intoned, “I, Jennifer, take thee Joshua...”
His wife. Jennifer. How in the world had he forgotten the love of his life. As he drew closer her face was suddenly and horribly covered in blood, oozing out of a large jagged hole right in the center of her forehead, a bloody third eye staring right at him. She looked at him, through the streaming blood, with an expression of such vast disappointment that Joshua could walk no closer. Turning away from him, Jennifer went back into the darkness of the train. The back of her head was a gaping hole of shattered skull and brain, blood flowing freely down her back. The light in the doorway went out and as the door began to slide shut Joshua propelled himself through into blackness.
The inside of the carriage was brighter than Joshua was expecting and he had to cover his eyes with his hands until they adjusted to the glare. Looking about him, he saw that at least fifty people sat throughout the carriage. No one was speaking, although some cried softly, most were sitting with vacant, even hopeless expressions. Joshua barely gave them a second glance as he caught sight of Jennifer disappearing through the end of the carriage and hurried to catch up to her. He stopped short as another memory surfaced.
They were laying on a soft, satin wrapped bed, holding each other tightly as if afraid letting go would mean losing the other forever. Their naked sweaty bodies felt more connected now, than before when they had been making love. Joshua could feel her heart beating through her small, perfectly rounded breasts as they pressed against his chest and he almost cried at the love he felt for her.
“I love you,” He whispered in her ear.
“Not as much as I love you,” she replied drowsily against his neck.
“Don't ever leave me.” His voice had a frightened, almost desperate undertone to it that he could not control.
She raised her head, her eyes serious as she studied him for a moment, before answering his plea for reassurance.
“I will never never leave you, beloved, for as long as you live.”
He couldn't stop the tears and let them fall unashamedly down his cheeks. Jennifer lightly kissed each moist cheek before kissing his lips. She tasty salty from the tears and Joshua returned her kiss with growing passion.
“Tickets please?” said a raspy voice, bringing Joshua back to the train; the fog once more settling over his memories.
The conductor was ancient looking; greyish leathery skin pulled tightly over a gaunt face as if there wasn't a shred of muscle in him.
“I don't have a ticket,”he said trying to push passed the old man. Joshua was shocked to discover he couldn't budge the guy an inch.
“Let me past. I have to find my wife. Please.”
“I need you ticket, Sir,” the old man said without a trace of sympathy.
“I don't have a fucking ticket! Now let me pass or I'll-”
“-Ah, there it is,” the semi-corpse said, reaching into Joshua's coat pocket and pulling forth a scarlet piece of paper. Joshua looked at it in fear. It was too much like the blood running over his wife's face. The conductor scanned it with a strange archaic looking machine before handing it back and checking the screen.
“Mister McNealy. Joshua Frederick McNealy. Hmmm, let me see, oh yes, here we are. What do we have here then? Oh, one of the M and S passengers. Yes, that sounds about right.” the conductor told Joshua.
“I don't know what the fuck you're talking about but you have to let me go find my wife.”
The conductor once again bent his head over his machine before saying,
“You must be mistaken, Mr. McNealy, your lovely wife Jennifer wouldn't be on this train.”
Joshua stopped trying to move passed the creepy old man and asked,
“How do you know her name? What the hell is going on with this train? And what did you mean by M and S?”
“Can't remember, eh? Well, don't worry, by the time we reach the last stop you'll remember more than you want to, I'm sure. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I have other passengers to see to.”
Joshua let the man pass and stood for a few moments, fear growing in his belly. He came back to himself suddenly and hurried in the direction Jennifer had gone. As he reached the door and as his hand grasped the cold handle another memory flooded his brain.
Joshua took the day off work and went to surprise his wife at her office. As he arrived he saw her getting out of a taxi with a tall, handsome man. She turned and kissed the man on the cheek before he got back into the taxi and drove off. Joshua stood on the corner of the street for the longest time trying to convince himself he hadn't seen his wife with another man but the more he tried to deny it, the stronger his rage at the obvious betrayal grew. The first time he had forgiven but never forgotten. He walked the streets for hours before stopping in front of a pawn shop window, his eyes glued to the shiny black revolver within.
No. It hadn't happened. It was impossible, he thought as he yanked open the door and plunged through. The next carriage was just as crowded as the last but his wife was not here. He was running now, stumbling, through carriage after carriage but he couldn't find her. When he got to the last door he knew, deep down, she wouldn't be on the other side. Opening it he wasn't surprised to find himself in the drivers booth. The naked skeleton that was busily pushing buttons and pulling levers did surprise him however. The carrion turned round to stare with its black void-like eyes. “You're not supposed to be here, you know,” the skeleton scolded him. It was the voice that had called for everyone to board the train.
Joshua started to cry, hopelessly caught in the never-ending nightmare.
“I just want to wake up and be with my Jennifer.”
The skeleton laughed at him, then turned to adjust a lever.
“You murder/suicide sinners are all alike. You just refuse to take responsibility for your actions.”
Murder! Suicide! No! It can't be. It can't. The driver's words were the final gust of wind needed to blow the fog out of his head and Joshua reeled as his repressed memories came rushing to the surface.
The heavy cold revolver was in his right hand, a handful of his wife's hair in the other. She was looking up at him in terror, her face stained with tears.
“Joshua, please, you're crazy, I didn't do what you're accusing me of. Please put the gun down.”
“Don't lie to me bitch! I saw you. I saw you with him.” He screamed at her.
“No, you;re wrong. I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you. Please, you must believe me.”
“You did it again. After all that I went through last time. You did it again.”
“No... no, I didn't. I swore I never would, remember? That's why we got married. You believed me then, believe me now. I love you. Please.”
“I love you too.” Joshua whispered as he put the gun to her forehead and pulled the trigger. He didn't watch as the back of her head exploded and she crumpled lifelessly to the floor. He closed his own eyes as he put the barrel of the gun slowly under his chin and without hesitation pulled the trigger.
He lay, sobbing on the floor of the train, for what seemed like an eternity before he could pull himself together enough to rise to his feet.
“I'm going to Hell, aren't I?” He asked the driver, his voice hoarse.
“Of course you are. Where did you think this train was taking you? Disneyland?”
“If this is the train to Hell, then why isn't my wife here? I thought adultery was a mortal sin?”
The Skeleton turned to face him.
“It is.”
