The Room

The room stinks of cigarettes, stale sweat and the faint aroma of urine.

That is the first thing I notice anyway. Scratch the surface and you could reveal decades of blood, tears and excrement; just your typical police interrogation room.

“That's all well and good, but I don't really give a fuck what you can smell.”

I look at the unkempt police officer sitting opposite me on the right. Did he just read my mind or did I speak out loud? Maybe I just read his mind after he had already read mine. Was I in some sort of psychic loop? Oh no, he looks mad, am I still talking out loud or can he hear my thoughts?

“Now listen up, we've been very patient with you so far and have agreed to abide by your... wishes, but you've got to start cooperating with us.”

I look to my left at the similarly disheveled cop watching me with passive-aggressive eyes. His three day stubble is tinged with grey, his fingers stained yellow with nicotine. Oh, I love the smell of stale cigarettes on my fingers. That's the thing I miss most about smoking.

“Let's start at the beginning. What is your full name?”

I'm sure I've told them my name but then again maybe I didn't. What have I told them?

“We can't put 'Ralphie the Clown' on our forms. Now tell us your real name.”

Ralphie the Clown, yes, that's me. I'm a great clown; all the kids just love me. Fifteen years I've been in the clowning game.

“This is getting nowhere. You talk to him for awhile; I'm gunna get some air.”

The cop with nicotine fingers gets up and leaves the room. I miss him already. There is now an obvious tilt to the symmetry of the room. If only the man on the right would shift to the middle of the table then everything would be alright.

“If I move will you talk to me about the murders?”

Murders? I don't know what he's talking about but nod and as he moves the world shifts back to its proper axis and I sigh in relief.

“The Ringmaster told us you've been with the circus for twelve years and never once has he seen you without the makeup. Don't you think that's a bit strange?”

If only this was makeup. I touch my face to make sure its all there.

Red squeaker nose, check, rainbow hair, check, brighter than life smile, big check.

I Breath a sigh of relief. The policeman rubs his hands with his face, obviously struggling with his inner demons.

Maybe he wishes to confess.

“It's you who wants to confess. We've been after you for ten years. Now that we've got finally caught you we're sure as shit not going to let you the fuck go.”

Sure as shit.

Such an odd phrase. I mean shit comes in all shapes and colours doesn't it. So how can you be sure of it? The policeman's knuckles turn white as he grips the table edge. I can smell his frustration. Smells! Shit also comes in different smells; another thing to be unsure of.

“Fuck you, you crazy mother-fucker!”

Spittle hits me on the lip and I take a moment to wipe it off. The policeman seems to compose himself but who can really tell. I do believe he has a guilty conscience.

He mentioned something about murders.

“That's right, the murders. It took us nearly ten years to find a link between your victims. At the time of every murder, the circus, your circus was in or nearby the town or city. I mean who takes notice of a second-rate piece of shit circus.”

There he goes again. Shit. Maybe he needs to go to the toilet.

“How many people has it been Ralphie?”

How many? I've entertained thousands over the years, millions maybe.

“We've found one hundred and twenty-two of your victims you sick fuck! But when we went over missing person reports that coincide with the time and place of the circus... there is over five hundred missing people and I want to know what you know.”

I don't know what he's talking about but he seems like a very serious kind of guy. If I were constantly constipated I might be one unhappy clown. The door opens and Nicotine Hands comes back in and takes his seat.

I didn't miss him.

“Alright Ralphie, let's go back to the beginning.”

The room stinks of cigarettes, stale sweat and the faint aroma of urine.

“I hate fucking clowns!”